A good start as far as the narrative is concerned.
WISE: In this story, again, I must say, while the storytelling is wonderful, the narrative is dragged down by typos, grammar, punctuation, structural and word usage problems. You do far better with an editor. But, I must say, you are a darn good storyteller. I think you can improve your technical skills.
You have the talent, just take this latter aspect more seriously and show us how much you love your craft as I know you do, just translate it into a little skill-building and you will be okay. Mind you, this was written in 2003, I know in at least one future story you have done this. But I will treat each story on its merits. Just proof and edit via story manager. ^_^
All the best and hope you breathe new life into this story! *hands you sapphire roses and bows* L. A Moon Cat is forever WISE, love your story!
=^_^= |
