2010-09-03 08:19 Loki's Gargoyle Challenge drabble, Biding My Time, is now up! http://ow.ly/2yX0H #aisubs

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p to chapter 19, but I need to get some sleep its almost sunrise! LOL Danit Jase, the hallmark of a master storyteller is putting your reader through an almost all-nighter reading marathon! LOL *winks*

Jase, great story, I hadn't read it for a while, but loved it, only up to chapter 8 but careful of adverbs, especially the -ly ones. :D

Also, it is 'for sweet meals, 'desserts' two ss and *desert* (sands and the Sahara and all^^ *winks* But a fabulous narrative, witty, clever, funny and great characterization, images and pace of the tale and dialogue great, (beating off the punctuation multiples with said Tux roses! LOL)

Fabulous work over-all and looking forward to reading the rest of this great fic!
that looked more like a combination of a melted chocolate bar
and a cupcake;

Really enjoyable

WISE: spelling, "slightly" you have a missing letter 'l' in many of these and the X!!!X etc, some word issues and repetition, redundancies and structure here and there, but a proofing can easily sort those out.


Highlights:

I love the double story technique, it is really good, and the tension between Darien and Serena is well presented. Love the images and atmosphere you've co-created with Moon Song. I had read some of these chapters a while back and enjoyed reading again.

This chapter - five - also good value. Will continue to read! Good job... *salutations and a script*

Good prologue SK

WISE: as the story, or a lot of it I am thinking was written a few years ago, there are some things that need tweaking: punctuation multiples, some typos and grammar and repetition, structure and expression in places. But the concept was great and the scene the perfect opening act to the rest of the story. I loved Diane the detective-FBI she was cool and almost choreographed her way through the crisis, and I thought her antics with the teller were hilarious, great job. Only needs a proofing. Looking forward to reading more!

*hands you a crystal sword and salutes*

I'm still loving this story, and can't wait for more, even thought the wait can sometimes be long. Keep up the good work!
til next time . . .
later

long wait, but worth it, kept me on the edge of my seat. greaat chapter, i'll be waiting for an update!
til next time . . .
later

That was great and so longly anticipated. i'm glad you had the time to get it out.^_^
'til next time . . .
later

I hope this will end soon, cause I think I'm going to have to find a ton of time to reread the entire thing.

Great writing so far.... though I don't quite understand the entire operation....but that's just typical me.

Hurry up and write the next chapter!

I started reading this fic almost when it started, forever ago, on ASMR. Unfortunately, every time a new chapter's posted, it's been so long I hafta practically start over to remember what point in the storyline we're at! ;-) maybe you should update quicker!
It's really a great story, though -- both storylines included -- and I'm followin it 'til the end.
Whenever that is. :-D

This story is great. Please u have to write another chapter.

I've just started reading this story & am wrapped! Serena is such a b****h in the first three chapters, I thought that a clever spin & look forward to reading more! good one SK! *Tuxedo Mask bows whilst examining SK's sword & practices his battle strokes then hands back the sword & bows* L.

I really like this story. PLease update soon I want to what happens between Serena and Darien.

INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really love it so far. Please finish it ASAP!!!!

*reaches for SK's throat* You...evil...piece...*face turning redder n redder* of POOCHIEPAKA! (new word of the day, dunno what it means though) How could you leave us at such a cliffie! *whaps* hmph, I'm gonna stalk you until you get the nezt chappie out...

~*S.Angel*~

P.S.

Nice chappie btw

34 chapters and I've only read 10, :-). I LOVE IT!!! So interesting, I'm going to start reading it slower (if I can which I doubt) so that it'll last me longer. Wow, is the only word that comes to mind. What talent!!! I can't wait for more... :o)

Prolouge review:

O.O very interesting! I think it's beautifully written (except some minor mistakes where you use his instead of him. I think you meant to use 'him' anyway)!

I want to read more, but the History bookie calls to me saying "get your butt over here and outline me or you're gonna fail history miserably and end up flipping burgers at McD's the rest of your life, you lazy bum!!" *sighs*

But like I said, it's very nice! I wished to know more about Darien and Mina's break-up, but maybe it'll be explained in the other 34 chapters...some where ^_~

Chow! Byeeee, daddy of friends of mine!
~DBZ

Nice, I had expected s1omething about Serena and DArien, but not really, since you DID mention you were going to hurry things up a bit. I'm glad you finally got another chapter out, and it was pretty good but next wil you please get it out sooner? I'm kinda rambling so

Bye!

P.S.

You mentioned world twice, just mentioning it in case you hadn't noticed.

Here's 3 points for u:

1)I love it
2)I love it
and 3) hmm, did I mention I love it?

DADDY(?)!!! HERE IS YOUR LONG AWAITED REVIEW THAT I HAVE DENIED YOU FOR TOO LONG, FOR NOW YOUR HAVE TURNED INTO A SINGLEHOOD-DEPRAVED (I mean, with a fiancé, wifey, six kids, kid-in-laws, grandkids; I don't even know who my mother is!) VIRGIN (makes you wonder how you could father us all); I have taken five minutes out of my important life I am spending doing nothing to help you pimp the story.

The grammer is decent (*angels begin to chorus holy song in name of Daddy(?)*) and style is readable. Now that I'm done "critiquing" your story (as Ai has been urging us to do properly), I will just move on to the bodily harm promises.

*dons security guard cool sunglasses and heavy chocolate scented machinegun*
Your duty is to update this story as often and quickly with excellent plot and english as fast as bovinely possible. Upon completion of this story, you are to begin another story, one starring Lily next to Darien. Serena is the only one who is to be with Darien, with Darien loving her only, but Darien is to remain faithful to his one and only Lily. Darien will be in love with only Serena but will love Lily and only Lily. Darien is to be with one girl only, the one girl being Serena. His one true love is Lily.
Failure to comply will result in immediate abduction by Lily to her underground lair of Skittles®, whereupon she will burn off your limbs, ears, nose, and hair, thereby subjecting you to eternal baldness, eviscerate you, eat the disembowelled organs in front of the still alive you, and defenstrate your remains into a diharrea filled cesspool below.
*blows kisses*
I love you, Daddy(?).

Love it! 32 CHAPTERS?????

I hope you get better, from the disease you have been diagnosed with.

I absoulutely luv this story, it's great! keep writin.

I can't wait to see what happens next. I just you don't have Serena help Raye get a job as an actress. I really want to see Serena and Raye get into an argument with each other, and Serena tells Raye to step back and to stay away from Darien.

I love this! I get two stories for the price of one. The best thing about it is that they both flow so well together. This is probably one of my favourite stories yet!

Hmm.....it's a good story..it's a little confusing with the many storylines going everywhere...but hey! Tolkien did it too! ^_^

This story is great. I read it on fanfiction.net. Hope you finish it soon. Can't wait to see how it ends!!!!!!!!!!!!

oOoOo i've read this story and WOW i liked it soOo much but it's super long! keep up the good work..

nice start! :) well-written and interesting ~