 | What Was Lost by Aria
Reviewed by Anonymous - Tuesday May 13, 2008 at 17:04
PLEASE continue the story is very good. It left wanting to now what happens at the end. | | Akitsubata & The Crystal Flower by Loki
Reviewed by Yumecosmos - Monday May 12, 2008 at 21:38
As I might expect from you, this story is very enjoyable so far! Already it conveys the sense of a grand epic spanning across the millennia. I love the world you're building, the culture and history of Orpheus and the Sulean empire, and a glimpse of mysterious events that I'm eager to learn more about. Luna fits nicely into the role of teacher; she's perfectly in-character and well written. The other children are adorable! Aries and Floriana are intriguing as well, and the cliffhanger at the end of the prologue is perfectly timed to draw the reader into the story.
Plot-wise, there are a couple of things that seemed odd or rushed to me in chapter 1. The first is how quickly Mamoru seems to trust Aki—he doesn't generally seem to be a very trusting person, so it's surprising to see him believe her immediately. Was it kind of like with Chibiusa, where he sensed it through psychometry? The other senshi also seemed pretty quick to trust her, considering the way they tend to react to newcomers. (Chibiusa, the outer senshi, the Starlights... they were kind of suspicious of them at first. Granted, Aki didn't make her first appearance by trying to attack them or pulling a gun on Usagi. XD ) I'm also confused about how Aki got into college if she had just teleported into Usagi's house. And one more kind of silly question which I have a feeling will probably be answered later... why are they called the s**tennou if there are more than four? ^_^;
Anyway, nitpicks aside, this story is great! I love the description of Mamoru's apartment. Heehee... Mamoru listens to Ayumi Hamasaki! <3 You've definitely set the stage for a thrilling adventure here. Bravo! | | Trapped! by EA
Reviewed by vaunam - Monday May 12, 2008 at 02:11
Thanks for the update. Still love the story and waiting for more. | | Until You Come Back to Me Again by MoonlightUsagi
Reviewed by Moonmew - Sunday May 11, 2008 at 09:56
Please continue, im loving this story, you have a great gift for getting the reader involved with every emotion! | | Cruel Destiny by StormChild
Reviewed by LadySelenity - Sunday May 11, 2008 at 04:50
I read this story before and have been looking for it ever since. It's fabulous! I love how Endymion knows who his princess is and enlists the help of the others. Luna and Artemis as humans is great! You can feel Serenity's distress without her prince. One of my favourite stories! | | Good Enough by Cherazor
Reviewed by vaunam - Sunday May 11, 2008 at 02:54
That was soooooooooo good. I need to say that I LOVE Mamoru! I rarely see a Seiya that I like; great portrayal of the characters! | | And You Are? by Ree-B
Reviewed by Moonmew - Saturday May 10, 2008 at 17:09
PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE | | Sailor Moon Crystal Generation by Yumecosmos
Reviewed by Anonymous - Saturday May 10, 2008 at 15:39
I love reading epics, in fact I will keep loving these as they are magic, fantastic, and yours ranks as one of those I have read here on AI and elsewhere that in my opinion are pure gold. Thank you. BTW and keep up the good work! Great characters, and the info you put in is a real plus. | | Tomboy by Dreameress
Reviewed by kbpluto - Saturday May 10, 2008 at 01:04
i loved it! | | Every Thought Matters by Leni84
Reviewed by SailorPheonix3 - Friday May 09, 2008 at 16:52
Omg the last one was my favorite I could not stop laughing. Each one was very good Thank you! | | Dabbling in Heartwarming Drabbles--UsaMamo Love by AlaVerity
Reviewed by Eternia - Friday May 09, 2008 at 15:06
Ah....one of my favorites...tee-hee!
~!*Eternia*!~ | | Flight of the Moon by ladymooncat
Reviewed by 2Twins2 - Friday May 09, 2008 at 14:43
Awww...that was so cute: it nearly brought tears to my eyes in some place. I liked how you used imagery with chibi-Usa when she laid her head on her mother's knee.
Although I have to quote ARAYA for her response. I totally agree with her about the Queen part, I found it oddly enoguh confusing.
In other words, nice job, and good luck with the upcoming chapters, I can't wait to read them!!! | | Cinderella Never Cries by SparklngDiamund
Reviewed by lizaw11 - Friday May 09, 2008 at 14:19
When are you going to finish this? Can't leave it here...It's a tragic... | | To Marry A Prince by GobSmackt
Reviewed by homicidalglare - Friday May 09, 2008 at 00:56
oh i loveeee it. its just so.. WOW. I really really like this story. I like their chemistry.
And now I sorta wish I didn't read it.. i hate waiting. =P especially if its this good. I can't wait until you continue it. Thanks so much for reviving my interest in Sailor Moon stories.
Totally hot. | | Chocolate Lips by zaizai
Reviewed by Moonmew - Thursday May 08, 2008 at 14:40
It's a really nice short story, but you kinda left a chiffhanger. Maybe there is more? | | The Girl Next Door by PurpleSuperSiren
Reviewed by Yumecosmos - Thursday May 08, 2008 at 04:41
This story is pretty enjoyable. It moves at a good pace; I never got bored or felt overly rushed, though I did wish the time transitions had been written into the story rather than using the "One Week/Year Later" dividers. The main characters are all likeable and fun to read about.
If I may offer some critique, I think it could have been more clear in the beginning that Serena was in love with Seiya. Other than her one comment about his voice being sexy, she never interacted with him or talked about him that much. Though you do a good job of showing that her crush was based on superficial evaluations and that Seiya is kind of a jerk, I think there could have been more scenes showing her feelings for him just to reinforce why she ignores Darien.
On that note... I think your portrayal of Seiya is pretty OOC at times. Canon Seiya acted playfully arrogant, but s/he was never cruel or manipulative that way. I understand that this is AU, but he seemed barely recognizable during the graduation scene. It kind of came across as bashing Seiya solely for the sake of pairing Serena with Darien. IMO, the goal should be to show why Darien is better for Serena, not why he is a better person than Seiya--if you have to change Seiya's personality to make him less suitable, that doesn't speak well for your pairing. (And I am playing devil's advocate here as I am strongly against the Seiya/Usagi pairing! >.> <.< >.> )
Your characterization of Beryl does seem pretty well in character, but it was a little shallow and predictable. She felt like a two-dimensional plot device. It would be nice if she had some redeeming characteristics, or at least a point where readers could understand why she is the way she is.
This story has a clear message, and does a good job of making the reader root for Serena and Darien. But you could add a little more depth by fleshing out the romantic rivals. It seems like you start to have Seiya mature a little in the last scene (though it does seem odd that Serena listens to his records when they parted on such bad terms... did they reconcile later behind the scenes?) I'm hoping that maybe later you'll give us his side of the story.
I noticed that Serena's name was Riley in the first paragraph of the story, but later changed to Lancaster. Was there a reason for the switch?
I don't know if you intend to finish this, but I hope you will someday! It was a good start, and makes me want to know what happens next! | | Nakomian Legacy by 2Twins2
Reviewed by Yumecosmos - Thursday May 08, 2008 at 03:36
Ooh... quite an intriguing start. I'm really enjoying the fantasy universe you're setting up here. This chapter had just the right balance of action, description, and mystery to catch a reader's attention.
I think there may have been a typo in this line: "No, it's too dangerous for her to be here, but if you'll come with me I can't take you to the Haven." Perhaps you meant "I can take you to the Haven"?
Nitpicks aside, this is a very interesting story so far! I like your portrayal of Serenity, and I'm eager to learn more about the other characters. This is looking to be a good one <3 | | Tempting Fate by Araya
Reviewed by Anonymous - Wednesday May 07, 2008 at 15:58
This touches the heat, especially when you love somebody, and you can't have them. Beautiful, though sad. ^^ | | Every Thought Matters by Leni84
Reviewed by Moon_Destiny - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 18:35
Hehehe. ^^ These are all fantastic, short little insights into their relationship.
I think you've managed to keep everyone pretty much in character, which is hard to do when you only write one hundred words.
My favorite was #8. "Deep thoughts do survive under those odangos!" Lol. I dunno, that sentence just struck me as being particularly funny, and original.
Dragonfly was cute, and also a favorite. Can't wait for more. | | Sailor Moon Crystal Generation by Yumecosmos
Reviewed by Loki - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 11:35
This is a fantastic and original epic in progress, it has everything: excellent characterisation, beautifully and stunning imagery, fabulous world building, great emotional affect and your vocabulary is beautiful. The pleasure was mine working with you and this story is a classic in the making and the scene where Venus is locked in the closet is a classic, I love Artemis's come-back lines and the relationship between Endy and Serenity is wonderfully portrayed. I can tell you now folks, Yume is a giant in the making, have no doubt of that! We're in for a treat and a great adventure and lots more besides!
Congratulations Lady Yumecosmos-chan *hands you a Tux rose and a bunny and bows* =^_^= | | Temptations by Lara
Reviewed by xtina-chan - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 09:38
very good. loved it. | | Encounters by lilcatfish96
Reviewed by xtina-chan - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 09:26
aww :) i loved the last one the best. very sweet. and sexy ^_~ | | This I Promise You by Usagi_Carter
Reviewed by xtina-chan - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 09:07
very cute. made me all warm and fuzzy! :) nice job. | | Flight of the Moon by ladymooncat
Reviewed by Loki - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 02:48
Gorgeous and touching
WISE, a few typos, some grammar and show not tell in one or two place and little things like that, typos, but in all it was a nice chapter that balanced the drama of the first stanza.
As always, great characterisation, affect wonderful, images, especially Chibi-Usa, so cute and heart warming and Mamoru, you got him pretty well there, humor and the lighter touch well executed!
Needs a little polish, but great work!
*hands you a crystal bunny and a plushy Luna and Artemis and winks* =^_^= | | Ai no Manga by Nichire
Reviewed by armani - Tuesday May 06, 2008 at 00:11
Update!! please!! |
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