AriasInk on Twitter
2013-04-22 11:34 In the name of Glamour & Glitter, Fashion & Fameā€¦- Amy Mebberson @amymebberson
Main Menu


Don't have an account yet? Register here.
Story QuickList
Not Logged InSaturday January 18, 2020 - 19:46
Information about RebaJean
Story Submissions
Last 10 Story Reviews Received
Finished, Over, Done
Reviewed by Yumecosmos - Saturday August 02, 2014 at 03:06

Ouch. Just... ouch. You had me thinking this was about Endymion's betrayal, which was painful enough. But then that last paragraph! That was like twisting the knife. (Ugh, bad choice of words?)
Short as it was, it packed a lot of punch. Bravo!
Lost Marbles, err Memories
Reviewed by Loki - Monday August 26, 2013 at 15:55

Wow! so funny! Poor Haruka and the girls, Mamoru was a riot the revies are getting cut short willlet Aria know, but great work girl!! ^_^
Lost Marbles, err Memories
Reviewed by Loki - Monday August 26, 2013 at 15:50

The first part of my first review vanished and only the last remained, weird, but I had a real good laugh, it was clever and truly original, you've still got it and I am happy to see fresh fic up on the site, Mamoru was a riot, poor Hruka and Usagi, so much fun - great ittle ficlet
Lost Marbles, err Memories
Reviewed by Loki - Monday August 26, 2013 at 11:39

ahahahahaaha! that was funny, a great laugh - good fun,

(Oh, there are some gaps in the paragraphs, probably a format thing when posting, thought you should know).

Reviewed by Nich - Friday December 12, 2008 at 04:16

OMG OMG!! Abosolutely wonderful! That story totally leaves you wanting more as a good one should! I love how you portrayed Darien! So wonderful! Good job!

Reviewed by anweaver2007 - Monday January 21, 2008 at 04:46

i loved ths this story its amazing!!
i loved the ending!!
i just loved everything about it...i liked the nasty parts lmao!! im kinda glad they got together but then kinda sad that she didnt tease him a little more it would have been funny if she wore the outfit to sleep then they got it on the next night lol!!
well anyways loved it
Long Way Home
Reviewed by Loki - Thursday October 18, 2007 at 02:11

WISE critique:

Reading pleasure was fantastic, but for a a profusion of blank lines running through the text. I suggest going into story manager and cleaning up the formatting. I am surprised nobody pointed that out to you on submission or after. ^^ But its easily fixed.

Characterisation was stunning, these were excellent. I admire your knowledge of space flight, and the equipment and how it is used: rovers and the like.

The drama as the rover plunged into the bog, the events that unfolded and the reactions of the fellow astronauts to the sight of the Senshi and the talking moon cats was well written and most entertaining.

Editor's POV.

As above, some formatting to take care of, grammar mostly good, but I identified these problems:

1: missuse of the contraction, X alrightX this should be always written out as two words, 'all right' [see Crystal Rose's extensive 'Writer's Tips' for more information on this point in the 'Writer's Network forum archives')

2: grammar, _came_ a voice, this is structurally problematic verb confusion, better to write as: 'a voice came, or a voice emerged,etc. (small but important)

3: vocabulary, some repetition, 'magenta, and ochre, there were others, but a good habit to get into is to count how many descriptive terms, verbs etc one uses in a piece of writing, its amazing how much you catch on a second read. (thesaurus a handy friend at times like this) if possible, get a couple of people to read out aloud the text, this offers a way of knowing how your dialogue and the text sounds to the listener/reader and can often identify problems. (the use of 'said so-and-so, a form to not over use, better to place a proper noun or pronoun first. But that was it regarding grammar, expression and the structural dept, a few more commas needed here and there, but its fine.

Summing up

The drama, pace and flow of the story, (blank lines withstanding) ^^ was fantastic. The color, your landscaping and world building was superb.

Originality of plot and how you worked it, impressive.

Also notable, your visualisations, the lavish and atmospheric tapestry, the dialogue was good, the responses of your characters natural and I loved Luna's role and the hospital scene truly remarkable.

For an old story tucked in a draw, its amazing and only needs a BETA editor to go over it with you to polish it up. If you need somebody, you're welcome to give me a shout. Also, as you know, the forums in the 'writer's network' is a great place to seek a BETA. So, in all, reading pleasure 100%

grammar, structure and such, 75%

A good little ficlet! *hands you a rose and a celestial starmap and bows*

Reviewed by Loki - Thursday September 27, 2007 at 17:47

chapter two was so much fun, the tender moments bring a smile to my face, life is so like that bettween two people who love each other, save the magical powers, wish I had those! LOL

The characterisation was excellent and this was so realistic and fun -- good writing R-J ^^

Reviewed by galena_steel - Monday September 03, 2007 at 21:42

Wonderful sequel! I liked the more serious themes and extra angst that fleshed out the story without losing the humour and charm of All My Bothers. Very nice.

Reviewed by galena_steel - Monday September 03, 2007 at 21:39

Just as cute and engaging as the previous story. Thank you for the adorable sequel. Adding the list at the end was a very nice touch.
AI Awards

Main Index | Copyright Info | Acceptable Use Policy | Terms of Service | Site Help

Copyright 2004 - Aria's Ink Sailor Moon FanFiction Archive

Sailor Moon FanFiction Stories © to their respective authors.
No information must be taken from this site without expressed written permission.

Sailor Moon characters and images are copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation.
English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment.